When I feel I’ve been driven into the ground and everything has been taken away, when I see others around me have everything I’ve ever wanted, I am painfully confronted with the truth of my deepest desires. Jesus is only enough until He’s all I have.
I wallow and wonder why God would even require such painful sacrifice. It’s funny that I’m always surprised at these times since Jesus said that following Him would require me to take up my cross. What do I do when I simply feel I can’t go on? What do I do when it simply feels too hard? How do I let go of something that I feel has become a part of me?
Hebrews says that our High Priest sympathizes with our weaknesses. That’s a truth I can hold on to. All I can do is grab on to the little bit of the Gospel I can still see, and wait for God. I hold on to the mercy and grace of God until it grows. It grows until it is no longer clouded over by life. It grows until by it I can see everything, and it grows until it is all I care to see. It grows until it is my entire life once again. Then I remember that I was never holding on to the grace and mercy of God, but God was holding on to me in His grace and mercy. God’s grace doesn’t only save me from the consequences of sin and selfishness, but God’s grace saves me from sin and selfishness themselves.
God always gently reminds me of why I sold all I had to buy the field. I easily forget about the incredible and unending treasure I found there in the first place.
Jesus, the Lord, My Savior by William Gadsby
Jesus, the Lord, my Savior is,
My Shepherd, and my God;
My light, my strength, my joy, my bliss;
And I His grace record.
Whate’er I need in Jesus dwells,
And there it dwells for me;
’Tis Christ my earthen vessel fills
With treasures rich and free.
Chorus: Mercy and truth and righteousness,
And peace, most richly meet
In Jesus Christ, the King of grace,
In Whom I stand complete.
As through the wilderness I roam,
His mercies I’ll proclaim;
And when I safely reach my home,
I’ll still adore His name.
“Worthy the Lamb,” shall be my song,
“For He for me was slain;”
And me with all the heavenly throng
Shall join, and say, “Amen.”
It’s been years since I’ve studied scripture in depth, but He doesn’t change His ways – we’re the ones that change.
It sounds like you have faced circumstances that humbled you – I’m sorry for that – it’s never easy. But it also sounds like you came through it stronger.
I always figure that when I get to that point like you said, “What do I do when I simply feel I can’t go on? What do I do when it simply feels too hard?”, it’s time to stop trying – isn’t that what he wants? He wants to do the work – not that we shuck our duties, no we need to shuck the pride of thinking we can “take care of it all” or “worry our way through it”.
I’ve found when I relax knowing He will handle it better than I ever could, I find peace.
Thank you for the kind and encouraging comment. It’s funny how when we realize our weaknesses in light of His strength, we end up being strengthened. If we try to worry and hold on to life, we lose it. But if we lose our life and let go of it for His sake, we end up finding it. Once again, thank you for your comment.